It’s hard to believe that it has been over six months since we sold our big home in the north suburbs of Atlanta and moved into “temporary” living quarters – a small townhouse on Atlanta’s trendy Westside. What we had hoped would be a short adventure in the city, has turned out to be one of the longest, most exhausting six months of our lives, spending every spare moment searching – searching – searching for the perfect house.

And yes, you guessed it, we still haven’t found it. You see, my husband Paul is what I lovingly refer to as an “architecture snob.” He studied architecture, loves beautiful modern homes, and is a creative to the hilt. So, we have a lot of requirements for the “right” house.

Recently, while talking to a friend about our dilemma, she suggested that perhaps we need to narrow down our criteria list. That sounded like perfectly logical advice to me, so being the good analytic that I am, I jumped into Excel and typed up our long list of requirements, leaving a blank “priority” field so we could rank each item in the list.

I was so excited about using this great tool to easily evaluate any house we might be interested in. Of course I knew no house would meet all of our criteria, but with my handy spreadsheet we could make our decision logically. We could say, “This house meets all of our high priorities, and three out of six in the medium priority category, so let’s decide if we are we willing to give up the other three.”

Thinking I had finally found a way to make our decision easier, I presented my list to Paul and said, “What do you think? Did I miss anything? Let’s rate our priorities!”

His response was, “Mary, it’s not about a formula.”

“What? Not a formula? Then how do you know if you are willing to compromise on some of your requirements when you find a place that isn’t quite perfect?”

“It’s about the house” he replied.

A bit confused I asked, “Does that mean if you found the perfect modern house but it was in a neighborhood that you were not so crazy about, you’d be willing to compromise on the neighborhood?” And he said, “That depends on the house.”

Hmm… I’m getting a picture here. There really is no formula. The weight of each requirement depends on the desirability of the house, and the neighborhood, and the yard, and… and… and…

Then it hit me. I was trying to find a “formula for success” in our house search the same way that we, as Christians, so often do in our relationship with God.  We want a checklist. We want a proven formula that, if we can just follow it to the letter, will get us to our goal – a closer, more intimate relationship with our Father God.

We’re looking for a system, a discipline, a method that will give us the “perfect” Christian life.  And isn’t that what we’re taught not only in our churches, but also in many of the books and teaching materials being lauded in today’s Christian world? How often do we hear sermons or find books with titles like, “Five Steps to a Better Prayer Life” or “Ten Simple Disciplines to Draw Close to God.”

And yet our creative, artistic, relational God says the same thing my husband did, “My love, it’s not about a formula.” There is no list of do’s and don’ts, good disciplines, things to avoid, number of minutes to spend in prayer or amount of journaling that will be just right to create a perfect relationship with God. My husband said, “It depends on the house.” So what does it depend on with God?

It depends on the heart! God says, “I want your heart – I want YOU!” (Proverbs 23:26) And how you get close to God will be different depending on who you are, where you are in your life, how broken you are, how stubborn you are, how hungry you are. It depends on… you. There is no formula. Oh it’s true, just like in our search for the perfect house, sticking with the important things on our criteria list is helpful. But what is critical, what gets the “High” priority rating, depends on you and God.

God is not looking for formulas or a checklist any more than my creative, artistic husband could give me a checklist to narrow down our home search. What Paul is looking for is a home with a certain feel, a certain look, a certain character and “heart” that goes way beyond a list of must-have’s and nice-to-have’s. And what God is looking for in a relationship with each of us goes way beyond a checklist too. He too is looking for the “feel” – the “character” – the “heart” of our desire for Him.

Wow! I thought I was going to sit down with my husband and figure out a system to manage the priorities in our house search, but instead, God opened my eyes to see that even with Him, it’s not about a formula!

Have you been trying to get close to God by following a formula? Our God is a relational being – a “personal” God. And His relationship with you will not look the same as His relationship with me. Today, sit down with your loving Father and talk with Him. Ask Him if there are things on your “criteria list” that are getting in the way rather than drawing you close.

We’d love to hear about what God shows you! Share it with us and others here on the JoyBlog by clicking on Comments at the top of the screen.

Blessings to you all,
Mary